Mediocrity or Greatness?

I was recently at another one of my marathon weekend seminars and even though I had been to this one before, there were certain things that really stuck out for me this round that I just felt I had to share.

There was a point that was made VERY clear to me.........we don't know how incredible we can be because we've never had to do ANYTHING at 100%!  In todays society, we have gotten used to just doing what we need to, to just 'get by'. I am the first to admit that I have fallen into this mediocrity/complacency trap.  For many years, I lived my life on auto-pilot and would then complain about why I didn't have the things in my life that I wanted!  Oh woe-is-me! Those of you that have read my other posts will know what word I will come up with next...........VICTIM........yeah, I did a real good job of playing one and I see people around me every day that are playing that role as well, if not better, than I ever did!  We need to decide within ourselves is 'getting by' good enough for this ONE LIFE that we've been given? Wake up people......we don't get any do-overs here!  This is it, this one life, it is what we make of it! Is a life of mediocrity OK with you????

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS! 

We need to raise our standards in how we think and treat ourselves, and in how we let others treat us!
We need to raise our standards in our relationships and friendships!
We need to raise our standards in our health!
We need to raise our standards in how we conduct ourselves!
We need to raise our standards in how we make our living!

I have finally come to the realization that there is a much bigger purpose to life that 'existing' between alarm clocks and time clocks!  There is SO much more!

There are SO many opportunities out there, and it just isn't good enough to be in the right place at the right time.  YOU have to be the RIGHT PERSON in the right place at the right time!

Now, my 'right person' may be different from your 'right person', but we each need to find within ourselves who that right person is that we were meant to be.

"It is never too late to become the person that you were meant to be!" ~Bob Reina

If you don't like the fruit that is on your Tree Of Life, it's time you took a long, hard look at your roots! We live our lives in 4 different realms, unfortunately, 3 of them most people don't pay much attention to.

Our roots are comprised of our Mental, Emotional and Spiritual realms and whatever you have going on in those 3, is what is going to show up as the fruit in your Physical realm. You want different fruit?  Then change your roots! You change your roots by raising your standards!

Now realize, this isn't going to happen over night, it is a process. I have always had a feeling that I was destined for something amazing and that I have greatness inside of me, I still have no idea what that might be, but I do know that each day I am growing closer and closer to being that person that I was meant to be and discovering what that greatness is.

Some Days You Need A Little Perspective!

So.........I have been waiting for this day for quite a while.  Not because it is anything exciting and fun, but because I kind of dreaded it's arrival, even though I know it has to be done.

You see, tomorrow I have to go into the hospital to have a not-so-pleasant procedure done, and today I have to prepare for it.  This prep involves me ONLY consuming clear fluids all day. Now I like my food, and the thought of only having fluids, kinda wrecked my day even before it started.  In trying to be positive and looking for the 'bright side', I thought, at least I can have some strawberry or raspberry or maybe even grape jello........THAT will make this bearable.  Yeah well, when I went to the pharmacy yesterday to pick up the meds that I needed to 'help' in the prep, he told me that I was not allowed to have anything that would have a red or purple dye in it, as that could effect my procedure. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? The only thing that was going to get me through this torture and now that was taken away!!!

So I trudged (and that is the best way to describe it at that moment) to the grocery store to look for my other choices in jello.  Nothing red or purple left me with orange, lime and lemon.......all good flavours in their own rite, but NOT in the jello world (that is unless another certain clear fluid is added, and I didn't think that would be allowed, although it would have helped GREATLY with my mood!). I stood there and stared lustfully at the red and purple packages and begrudgingly took the citrus options, then moped my way home.

Because I knew that I most likely wouldn't be feeling that great with this prep, I had planned for a quiet day at home to myself, but now all I can think about is the chicken that I have in the fridge, or the jar of peanut butter in the cupboard.  Have you ever noticed how many fricken food commercials there are on television??? My newsfeed on Facebook is full of amazing recipes and pictures of what people had for lunch,  or statuses about what they are looking forward to at dinner, and forget about me signing into my Pinterest account!!! FML!!! I am walking around here like a caged wild cat! Hmmmmm........here kitty kitty kitty...........NO NO NO........that's just the hunger talking!!!

As I sat here this morning, forcing down the first bowl of jello, that just was NOT hitting the spot, thinking about how I usually have my gigantic cup of sweet tea (with cream) to start my day, I saw this picture that a friend posted on Facebook...........and then I felt ashamed!

Ok........so I am being 'inconvenienced' for a couple of days and can't eat and drink what I would like, but there are more people than I can possibly even imagine that would kill to be in my position.

I have a pretty decent roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, food (when I can eat it) in my fridge and the means to get more when I need to, and my inconvenience is due to the fact that I have access to healthcare and doctors to take care of me, where others have no idea what that would be like. Sure I am feeling rather crappy at the moment, but I still have more health than a LOT of people, and my feeling of crappiness (is that word?) will pass, but many other peoples will not. There are a lot of people that would think that my dreaded bowl of jello is a delicacy. So instead of sitting here and feeling sorry for myself and what I can't have today, I have decided to re-focus my thoughts on all the great things that I have the fortune of having in my life. One of the biggest..........having clean water to drink......what a delicacy THAT would be for a lot of people in this world!

It's easy to be grateful when everything is going rosy and you're feeling on top of the world, but as I found out today, it means a lot more when you can still be grateful when you feel like crap. So the next time I get the urge to complain about how 'bad' I may be feeling, or how 'inconvenienced' I am about whatever, I need to pull out this picture.........I may even have to print it out and post it up just as that 'gentle' reminder on those days when gratitude is a challenge. 

Do you take stock everyday of things that you are grateful for?  I do, I have a journal that I write in every night before I go to sleep and tonight, I think there will be a few more things added to the list. 

To Change or Not To Change

Have you ever had a friend that is constantly asking you for advice, but then never does anything with that advice, and then when you call them out on that fact, all of a sudden there is something wrong with your advice? Huh? *shakes head*, well it can't be all that bad if you keep coming back!

Anyways, I spent many many MANY years being the person that people would come to, to tell all their problems to. Honestly, I didn't mind that, but the problem was that I would get too emotionally involved with THEIR problems, which would end up with me feeling like crap. The toll of taking on everyone else's issues left me emotionally and mentally exhausted with nothing left to deal with the things that I had to in my own life.

That became abundantly clear when my world came crashing down on me 1.5 years ago. I had neglected my  emotional, mental and physical needs for so long, that when the time came that I needed them the most, there was NOTHING for me to pull from, resulting in my body completely shutting down. I spent some time doing the 'what did I do to deserve this?', but this is not a constructive exercise, all it did was make me feel worse as I continued to dwell on the events that occurred and kept me in the past. Finally, I woke up one morning and literally said f*&k that!! Something needs to change and the something was ME! Did I wake up that morning knowing exactly what I had to do to do that? NO! This has been a long journey of self discovery and it continues. I'm learning SO much along the way, not only about myself, but how people in general deal with the crap in their lives. Being more aware of how we, as a human race, deal with emotional crap, has made it so much easier for me to understand the actions of the people around me.  The problem is, even though it is clear as day for me what is going on in someone's life, if they are not open and ready to have change in their life, I can talk until I am blue, but they just won't get it! So the person that used to just sit there and sympathize with and take on all the problems that were going on in someone else's world is GONE. She knows better now.  I will empathize with what someone is going through, as I have mostly likely experienced it myself, but I will NOT sit there and participate in their pity party and enable them in that behaviour. You don't do anyone ANY favours to do so!

So, if you are going to ask me for advice, you had better be prepared for a non-sugar coated answer. I will give you the straight facts, and give you suggestions as to what you should do to move forward, but if you are just going to sit there and not make ANY effort and have NO commitment to trying to take charge of your life, expect that I will close that door.  My time and energy are TOO valuable to me now to have other people suck it out of me. Sound harsh? Maybe it is, but I am #1 on my priority list now. Instead of just being the constant shoulder to cry on, now i will listen and then I will CHALLENGE you to take responsibility for your life and for the things going on in it. That's what I did to start this process for myself.

One thing that this friend said to me, was that my advice was too cut and dry and that life just isn't that way. Well............yeah IT IS! If there is something going on in your life that you don't like, you either do something to change it, or you don't. If you don't, then in my opinion, you have no right to b*&ch about your life. It is YOUR life, YOU are in charge! Don't be living your life for other people. That just gives you an out for when you need someone to blame. Your only job in this world is to make yourself happy. So if you're not.........whose fault is that? You can't expect to change your whole life all at once, but do one step at a time, and eventually you will look back and be shocked about how many steps you have taken! BUT the point is.......you have to take that FIRST STEP, and then the next and then the next, but you have to want it for yourself and truly be done with living the life of a victim.

Whether a person makes the choice to change the course of their life makes no difference to me, that is THEIR choice. THEY are the ones that have to live up to THEIR own expectations.  I do NOT set any expectations for anyone but MYSELF, and it is only ME that I have to answer to in that regard.  The sad thing is, there are a LOT of people out there that have set very low expectations for themselves and their lives and they need to own that fact!

So, do you want to be known as the person that whines and wallows in all the problems of your life, or do you want to be known as the person that has gone through hell and came out a stronger, more positive, resilient person? The choice is YOURS!

Hello everyone,

Yes, I know........it has been some time since I wrote anything here. I have had so many things going on all at once, that of course, this took a place on the back burner, but it was NEVER far from my mind.  I knew when I first started writing this blog that it wasn't going to be something I do every day.  I wanted to only post about things that really struck a chord with me.  Something did just that this week.

This picture really hit me this week.

I can honestly say that I am the happiest RIGHT NOW than I have been in years!  I am happy with who I am, where I am going, what I want to achieve and most importantly, the people that I have surrounded myself with.......but am I so happy that I would want to stay in this exact spot for the next 10 years? HELL NO!  I have a LOT of growing and changing to do!  Even though I am at an age where some people start to think that 'this is as good as it gets', I refuse to buy into that.  My life is about to take on it's newest chapter and even though the thought of that is scary, it is also very exciting.  It is NEVER TOO LATE to go after what you really want in life, to make those dreams happen.  I am just saddened by the amount of people that I see that have truly given up. Somewhere along the line all those dreams and goals that they had, got beaten out of them, they started believing that they would never achieve them, that they were too far out of reach. Not too long ago, I was one of them.  The fear of change held me back in so many ways, but 8 months ago when I finally got to the point where enough was enough, I started this journey of change.  Most of the change has and continues to be within. It hasn't been easy, and I am FAR from being done.  I have lost some friends along the way, as some people don't like to see people change and are threatened by it, but you know what, that's fine. People come and go from our lives, usually to teach us something in the process. In doing so,  I have had some of the MOST amazing new people come into my life as a result.  I have discovered that when you truly open yourself up to receiving the blessings that the universe has to offer, they just come flooding in. In the past 3 months alone, I have had so many wonderful things happen and come into my life.  I no longer worry about my future, I look forward to what I am going to make out of it.  I have had people say to me, 'I don't know how you do it, how can you be so happy and optimistic when there is all this crap going on in the world around us?' Simply put, I don't dwell on it.  That is NOT because I am naive, I know what is going on out there, but whether I focus on it or not, all that is going on in the world is still going to happen, so I choose to put my energy into more positive things, things that I can control.

Shortly after seeing this picture, I saw a post about this video.  A man had made a video of himself when he was a child, asking himself questions in the future.  Being a film maker, he cut in together with video of himself in the present to make it look like his child self was interviewing the adult self.  It is very entertaining!

I thought it was an amazing idea, and wished I had done something like that.  Then I got to thinking in conjunction with the picture I posted, what if I made a video now asking myself questions about how my life is 10 years from now? This got me very excited.  If I thought about how my life was 10 years ago, I could give some generalities, but could I really see the progress that I have made...........not really.  So, I have now made up a list of questions that I will ask myself in my video.  I am going to talk about how certain areas in my life are right now and ask if the changes that I wanted to happen actually did.

I honestly cannot wait for 10 years from now, to be able to watch my video and truly see how far I have come and celebrate the successes that I have achieved. :)

The Art of Listening

I saw this picture posted today and it reminded me of one of the lessons from the seminar that I attended last fall.

Listening is truly an art, but it is a skill, in my opinion, that has been terribly lost in todays society. The Chinese symbol for "listen" is made up of many other words, because to truly listen requires more than just hearing! Coincidentally, I 'listened' to a teleseminar tonight on this subject, and wanted to get all these thought out of my head and down in print.

Now, I am the first to admit that this is an area that is still a work in progress.  Like anything I have ever mentioned here, it takes practice to get good at it, but the awareness of what we are doing is a BIG step!

Essentially there are 3 ways to listen, the first 2 are the ways the majority of us do it, and they do NOT work! We usually agree or disagree with whatever is being said, and in doing that we are validating our need to either be right or to not be wrong.  When you listen in that way, no new information ever comes in.  There is no room for new facts, therefore you stay the same.

The 3rd way involves just BEING with the person that is talking.  Allow yourself to be OPEN to what is being said, suspend judgements, just BE with the information and pay attention to your reactions to it. What comes to mind, how do you feel about the info? Allow yourself to accept the new information.  Let yourself go Hmmmmmmmm.

If you find yourself blaming or making the info wrong while you are 'listening' to it, then what happens is you're judging the info and you are actually no longer listening!  You are disconnecting and closing yourself off.  At this point you need to ask yourself, what is it about what's being said that is causing you to do this? Usually, it's those needs of being right or not being wrong.

One of the most basic human needs is to understand and be understood. To accomplish this, we REALLY need to be truly listening not only to whom ever we are with, but to ourselves as well!

So how do we know if the person we are talking to is actually listening? It's all in the body language! If they are listening in one of the first 2 ways, you can tell that their minds are somewhere else, they lean or move away, walking around. There is very little verbal recognition with no emotional connection.  You get the 'yup, uh huh's'.  If they are listening in the 3rd way and are truly in the moment with you, you will have strong eye contact, they will lean in closer to you, you will see emotional reactions in their faces and in their responses.

There are going to be times when you are talking with someone, that they are going to say something that you strongly disagree with or makes you angry. This is where the practice part REALLY comes in handy! If you are disagreeing strongly, you just have to keep reminding yourself that there is no need to change their opinion, they are entitled to it, and you're not always going to agree.  Just hear their viewpoint and try to see where they are coming from, but just agree to disagree.

The ones that make you angry or are very abrasive with their opinions are actually easier to handle.  Instead of letting them get under your skin, just surrender yourself to let them be right (even though you don't really think that way). These types of people are fueled by your reaction and what to engage you in a heated argument, but when you just say 'you're right' and walk away, that completely takes the wind out of their sails and actually mildly annoys them! lol.........this would be considered 'taking the high road'!

I think one of the hardest parts of listening is to NOT interrupt the person that is talking.  Do not jump in with your thoughts on the situation or your opinions of what they should have done.  Let the person finish what they have to say, and then respond. When you feel the need to interrupt, stop yourself and ask yourself what is the need for your interruptions? Do you need clarification, more info or is your need to be heard more important than listening to the other person? Just BE WITH that person, put your needs aside!

Listening is significant in our needs in understanding and being understood.  In society, with all the distractions that we have with our iPods, Smart phones and numerous other electronic devices, we don't allow ourselves to BE with the people that we are with or even with ourselves.  More of us (and this is what I am really working on right now) need to start making changes to get into alignment with who and what we are intended to be.

Respect yourself and those around you by actively participating in the Art of Listening!

Some wonderful food for thought!!!

I just found this blog post and had to pass it on.  This is a woman after my own heart!!  I couldn't have said it better.........so, enjoy some food for thought! :)

http://elizabethpatch.com/2011/05/stop-complaining-about-your-body.html#.T5n-_y_hVQI.facebook

Your Feelings are YOUR Responsibility!

Today I want to revisit why I started this blog.  I had gone through an event (well actually a long series of events that had a big culmination) that shook every part of my world.  I had never felt so low in all my life.  At that point in time, I wasn't sure if I was going to come out of that situation alive or not.  Somewhere along the line something switched on and said ENOUGH!  So I started searching for answers, for something to pull myself up out of the dark place that I was in, as I did NOT like where I was and I had to do whatever it took to change it.

Last fall, a friend who knew everything that I was going through suggested a weekend seminar that dealt with a persons emotional programming, why we do what we do, etc.  At first I was like, yeah whatever, but I went anyways with a HUGE amount of skepticism, but I was willing to hear what they said.  Wow, was that a life changer!  I learned way more about myself than I ever thought possible.  You would think that you would know yourself better than anyone, but the reality is, YOU DON'T!

One thing that I took away from there, that is sometimes hard to wrap your head around, is that no one can make you feel anything.  YOU are responsible for YOUR feelings, not anyone else!  It is so easy to say that he/she hurt me, or he/she made me sad or angry. For those of you that have read some of this blog, you'll know what I am going to say.  BLAME GAME!  That's the victim's role. In every event that happens in your life, you are RESPONSIBLE for your feelings.  Responsible means having the ability to choose a response, and being accountable for your choices.  Nothing has meaning except the meaning that YOU give it.  So when you feel hurt, angry or sad, it is because the 'story' that you had made up in your head about a situation is being challenged.   I think this is the hardest for women to grasp, as we are hardwired to be emotional creatures, but emotions can be controlled when we have the awareness as to why we are feeling a certain feeling. Am I perfect at doing this? Hell no! I still have my down days, but I have the awareness now to kick myself in the butt, to look at why I am feeling that way, I am learning to shut down that nasty little voice in my head that likes to hold me back.  It takes practice, and I look forward to the day that I don't have to work so hard at controlling my emotions and responses to situations. 

Now, in saying all this, I must say that if you are looking for change in the way I was but you are in a partnership, you have other things to worry about.  If you are going to do any sort of self improvement type work, you really have to have a conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and why you want/need things to change. Ultimately, it is best if they support you in your choice and go with you!  When they don't share in your desire to change, it can make things difficult, and it will cause a LOT of emotion to rise for them. I have experienced this in my past.  

Many moons ago when I was married, I was a quiet, shy, introverted person.  When I was in my late 20's, I started to change (a lot of people need to realize that a woman doesn't fully mature personally until they are in their late 20's, this is why I suggest that women do NOT get married until then!).  I started to become more outgoing, more outspoken, I felt like I was finally becoming who I was suppose to be.  Problem is, that wasn't the woman that my partner married and that scared him.  He didn't understand the change in me, and I couldn't explain it to him.  So that resulted in some behaviours coming out in him that were not so good, and they drove a wedge between us, which eventually (among other reasons) led to our divorce. The point being, when one person changes in a relationship, and the other person isn't on the same page, they feel threatened and they are scared, as you are upsetting the story/belief that they had made up in their head as to what your relationship was, in other words, you're rocking the boat! This causes them to lash out and lots of blame, as they do not understand the emotions that are going on inside them, and they are not willing to take responsibility for them.

So, like I said in my first ever post, what I write on here is MY experiences and what I have learned, you can take something from them or not, that is YOUR choice.  I am not here to make you believe or feel anything, I am here to maybe provide you with some awareness, to take a moment to actually look at your life and let you know that you can change it, IF you are willing to do whatever it takes to do it. If something I say angers you or causes some sort of feeling to well up within you, you need to look at why.  I am NOT making you feel this way, YOU ARE.......so figure out the reason behind it. 

Don't blame your feelings on someone else! 

Happy Earth Day!!

Happy Earth day everyone!!!  Hope you get a chance to get outside and enjoy all the beauty and wonder that our wonderful planet has to offer! 


I am just going to leave you with 2 thoughts that I came across recently that really spoke to me. The first is a quote that was posted on a page that I follow:


"We have two choices when we wake up in the morning: either we go back to sleep and dream, or we wake up and chase that dream. We often spend way too much time wondering why we’re not good enough, and discrediting ourselves, instead of giving ourselves credit. We waste too much time with our heads down and hearts closed, never giving ourselves a chance to look up from the ground to see that the sun is shining bright, and that today is another perfect opportunity to pursue our dreams."

Such beautiful and VERY important words that we need to remind ourselves everyday!   NEVER give up on your dreams!! I'm certainly not!! 

The second is this: 

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of living the status quo in mediocrity......I want MORE!  So be brave enough to go against the grain, be a trend setter, BE A LEADER!

Living By Design

I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating over and over.  Life does not happen TO you, you CREATE it.  We live our lives in 4 separate planes of existence, but most people only take notice of one.  We live in the physical, the mental, the emotional and the spiritual planes.  Being that the physical plane is the only one that we can actually see, that is the one that most people focus on.  Problem is, the physical is a print out of everything that is going on in the other 3.  What we see in our physical lives is a RESULT of what is going on in the other 3.  So if there is something that you are unhappy with in your physical life, you know where you need to be looking, and that is within!  Like I have mentioned before, it is easier to fall into the blame game for everything that is going wrong in our lives, but that is the victim's way out!  You need to spend some time looking inward to see in what other plane you are having issues. Most likely, it's all three!

Your thoughts lead to your feelings, which lead to your actions, which lead to the results that you see in your life, and where do those initial thoughts come from?  That would be your blueprint that I have been talking about in the last couple of posts.  It is your limiting beliefs about yourself, it's that little negative voice that you hear in your head telling you lies, to keep you right where you are in your little comfort zone.  If you want change or growth within your life, you need to be brave enough to step to the edge of your comfort zone and then step over than line!

You will get there one step at a time, one thought at a time.  It all starts with being more aware of your thoughts.  Stopping the ones that are disempowering and focus on the empowering ones!  Even if you don't believe the empowering ones at first, keep going, eventually you will.  It takes time to rewire your brain. You didn't get to where you are in your life overnight, so changing that will take some time too.  Be patient with your self, love yourself and surround yourself with positive people.

Celebrate every day like you did when you were a kid! 

"I don't need an excuse to feel good!" 

~Anthony Robbins~

Master Your Life

Continuing on from the last couple of posts, I want to talk about the ways that Anthony Robbins suggested on how we can master our lives.  Now some of these points may sound a little harsh and you may not agree with them, but most people will agree, change is never easy.  These points are what will help in the changing of your blueprint.

1. Strengthen Your Identity and Raise Your Standards
We all have an internal definition as to who we are and the strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.  We may not like how we have defined ourselves in the past and want to change it, but you have to realize that your brain will tell you whatever it has to, to keep you right where you are, in your comfort zone. This is where your strength of will and commitment to it comes in.  It is never easy to redefine yourself, and there will be some struggle, but if you truly want change in your life, this is where you have to start.  Everything that is in your life RIGHT NOW, is a reflection of your standards, so if you do not like what you see, you have to change your standards. One way to do this is look at who you spend a majority of your time with.  You become who you spend time with.  This can work in two ways.  The people that you spend time with will either start to bring your level of standards down little by little.  At a certain point you may start to feel uncomfortable, and that will either kick start you to change, or you will convince yourself to settle for a new lower comfort zone. Are you in a place now that 10 years ago you would have never considered?  That's a hard question, but it is one that should be considered.  You can also decide to spend time with people that will challenge you to raise your standards.  Again, your comfort zone may feel challenged, but you choose as to whether you will reject the challenge, or rise up to meet it and change your comfort zone to a new higher level.

If you REALLY want to strengthen your identity and raise your personal standards, you really have to get around people that play the game of life at a different level of intensity.  Once your identity shifts, you'll never want to go back!

All those 'shoulds' that you have in your life, have to be turned into 'musts'!  This is the true key to mastering your life.

2. Get Rid of the Limiting Story/Beliefs
You need to change your story! In today's society, we are in the habit of accepting failure and justifying it in one way or another.  If you keep telling yourself that lie long enough, you will end up believing it. Ask yourself these next 3 questions, and I suggest that you actually write down your answers to them.  What is an emotional story that has stopped you from doing something in the past? Why is that story a load of crap? What is a truth that will get you through that crap?

There is something called the Success Cycle.

However you believe about yourself in one directly affects the other.  If you feel you have high potential, you will take lots of action and get lots of results and that will lead to a higher belief/certainty in yourself  that continues the thought that you have a lot of potential, but if it's a low belief in yourself, you won't feel you have much potential, so you won't take much action, and you won't have much if any results.  It is in this cycle that limiting story or belief about yourself will show up.  This is why that story/belief needs to change!

3. Model Strategies that Work! 
Success in other people leaves clues!  You don't have to think that you are going out on an unbeaten path.  Learn from others around you that have been down that road and have come out the other end. People who have had success will be more than willing to share how they did it, as long as you are open enough to listen.

4.Crap Happens! 

Now, you're probably thinking........HUH???.......the point is, you can be doing all the right things and that big glitter ball will still hit you in the head.  It's what you do AFTER that, that counts!!  Increase your intensity, don't give up!!! People who are leaders in their life will get up, dust themselves off and come back even stronger than they were before!!

Here are some affirmations to leave you with today.  Say with emotion and conviction over and over!
I will lead, NOT follow
I will believe, NOT doubt
I will create, NOT destroy
I am a force for good
I am a leader
Defy the odds
Set a new Standard
STEP UP!!!

"The Lesson is simple. If you want to move to a higher level of life, you have to be willing to let go of some of your old ways of thinking and adopt new ones.  The results will eventually speak for themselves." 

~T. Harv Eker~

How's Your Blueprint?

After I posted yesterday's post, I realized that I forgot an important piece.

The important reason why we have to focus on what our state is, is because it is very powerful.  Our states affect other peoples states. If you are in a happy, positive mood, you have the power to lift the moods of those around you, but if you are in a sad or angry mood, you negatively affect other peoples moods.  That is a powerful thing to be aware of!  Yes, you will have those 'blue' moods, but the trick is to over come them. I won't pretend that is easy because it's not, but that is when it is most important to REALLY focus on radically changing your physiology. Everybody benefits in the end!

Where your state is how you are thinking and feeling from moment to moment, your BLUEPRINT is what you think and feel on a much deeper level.  These are thoughts and feelings that have been programmed into you from childhood.  We don't come into this world already knowing what we think and feel about things, we are taught (or programmed) to do this by influential people or events in our lives.  They could be parents, friends, teachers, religious leaders or siblings.  These thoughts and feelings become deeply ingrained into our subconscious to a point that we don't even realize how much they control and rule our lives. For the most point we don't question these thoughts and feelings, we just accept them as is.  BUT, when you REALLY look around your life, you can see their influence.

In today's society, it seems if you were to ask most people if they were 100% happy with everything that is in their lives, most have some aspect where there is unhappiness in their lives. When your present life conditions do not match what you think they should be or what you want them to be, it makes you unhappy and causes pain.

Pain provides 3 choices:

1. First Choice: Ignore and Blame 
Unfortunately, this is the choice that I see a lot of people take and in all honesty, it's not much of a choice.  They ignore the unhappiness and pain and just write it off as 'that's just the way it is', 'this is all that I deserve', 'I'm just meant to be this way', or they start the Blame Game!  It's easier to blame events, friends, parents, siblings, and even your SELF for everything bad that is in your life instead of taking responsibility for it and doing whatever it takes to change it. I mean, why would we want to take responsibility for the crap that we have in our lives......well, because life doesn't just happen TO you, YOU create it!!  Once we accept that fact, and stop living in the victim role, it is only then that you can truly start changing your life!

2. Second Choice: Change Your Life Conditions
I know, easier said than done, but haven't you ever heard the saying, 'anything worth having never comes easy!' Yes, it takes work, and it doesn't happen over night, it takes commitment!  This could mean changing jobs if you are not fulfilled with what you are doing, getting out of a bad relationship, cutting off certain relationships with people in your life that are abusive or just plain negative, stop doing certain activities that do not have a positive result in your life. If you are unhappy with any of the above, but are not willing to do anything about it, in my opinion, you have no right to complain, because YOU have made your choice!

3. Third Choice: Change Your (actual) Blueprint
For most people, this is the hardest, but i believe, the most important.  If you do #2, but don't deal with #3, it is easy to slip back into old habits, because that is where our comfort zone is, albeit unhappy, but it is what we know. This step takes deep reflection and being TOTALLY honest with yourself, which most people have a hard time with.  It's easy to lie to ourselves!  I have gone to 2 different seminar series that dealt with blueprints in two areas of my life that I am unhappy with. The work is hard and a LOT of emotions come up that you have to deal with.  I won't say that my blueprints in these areas are finalized in their changing yet, because it is a process, but I am WAY more aware of what I do to sabotage myself in these areas, and I won't settle for that anymore. I want more and I deserve more and so do you!!!

In my next post, I will talk more about things you can do to 'master your life'.

Leaders must first influence their own lives, they live their lives on THEIR own terms.

 Become a LEADER in YOUR LIFE!!!

Decisions = Destiny

Hello my lovelies!!!

I have just returned from the MOST amazing 3 day seminar EVER!  I was at the National Achievers Congress in San Jose, California, and there were SO many amazing speakers. After being up for almost 21 hours yesterday with all the travel time and lay overs and such, my brain is still a bit foggy, but I wanted to give you a little tidbit from one of the main speakers, Anthony Robbins.........and BTW, if you ever get the chance to see him live, do it!!!

The thing that makes the difference in the quality in our lives, is the decisions that we make.  Decisions are our Destiny! Decisions are what control our lives. Now, if decisions control the quality of our life, what controls our decisions? There are 2 things: The state you are in, and your blueprint.

The state that you are in, is what you are feeling from moment to moment.  You know when you are feeling good and confident, you have no problem in making decisions and they all seem to be good ones, but when you are in a bad/sad mood, we make not so good decisions.  We've all done it! We have to REALLY focus on controlling our state.  If we know that when we are in a good/positive state, we make better decisions for ourselves, then we REALLY have to focus on staying on the good/positive sides of things.

So how do we do that?  To change our state, we need to change our energy.  Energy comes from our psychology/mindset. You have heard me talk a LOT about changing our mindset to a more positive side and now you can see why.  Our emotions are created by MOTION.  Do you like to dance around the house, sing at the top of your lungs, get outside and go for a run?  These things have the ability to change your emotions because you are using your body in some way.  You are putting it into motion.  To change your state, you have to RADICALLY change how you use your body/physiology.  Most people live their lives passively.  That needs to stop NOW! Change in how you move, how you breathe, how you speak.  Use your body in a new way. Take your energy to a new level. Change your FOCUS!

We did an exercise that proved just how powerful this can be, by just changing your level of energy, it completely changes your overall level of feeling (your state).

Now changing your blueprint is a bit harder.  Your blueprint is long term, it is your history, your ingrained beliefs. If you are unhappy with the way things are in your life, you have to be willing and open to looking at what your blueprint is, and be willing to do what it takes to change it. Otherwise, there will be no growth, no change, and whatever is in your life right now, will always be.  The reason that a lot of people fail at doing things is because their goals are in conflict with their blueprint, and because your blueprint is so deeply ingrained in you, it will always win out.  When your life conditions = blueprint = happiness, but when your life conditions do NOT equal your blueprint, there is unhappiness and pain.

Tomorrow, I will talk about how you can go about changing your blueprint, but for today...........work on changing your STATE!  Take that energy to a new level!

"From this moment on - NO PASSIVITY!!!" 

~Anthony Robbins~

How Did You Tip the Scale Today?

To answer the first question on your mind.........NO, I am NOT talking about the bathroom scale!  I'm talking about tipping the scale of thoughts and feelings.  As we go about our day, it is inevitable that we run into situations that provoke either positive or negative thoughts.  As positive as I try to be each day, I don't think there is a single person on this Earth that can say that 100% of their thoughts/feelings are positive! I will even venture to say that the Dalai Lama has a negative thought or two! *gasp*

I think this is one of the things that we need to grasp. You DON'T have to be positive 100% of the time, you just need to be positive 51% of the time.  In doing that, you have tipped the scale in the positive direction. Based on the Law of Attraction, what we give, we receive.  So, if we are positive and feel good 51% of the time, we tip the scale in that direction thereby causing more things for us to be positive and feel good about to happen. Everything is magnetic, so when something good comes to you, it will magnetically attract more good things.  The unfortunate part is that it also works in the other direction.  Have you ever gotten up late, feeling stressed, you rush around and end up stubbing your toe. Then you get in the car and get stuck in all the construction traffic, hit a pot hole and spill your scalding hot Starbucks in your lap?

To change your life, all you have to do is TIP THE SCALE.  Once you get to the tipping point of giving more love than negativity, the loves comes back to you and multiplies itself.  As you begin each day, whether you slept in or not, take a moment to think about all the blessings in your life.  This will start your day with happy feelings.  As you go about your day, find more things to be happy and grateful for.  Smile at someone as you walk down the street.  Give a stranger a compliment as you wait in that coffee lineup. Say Thank You! Look around you and marvel in the beauty of nature or architecture, or whatever it is that surrounds you.  Happy thoughts and feelings do multiply and you will find more and more things coming to you that will make you feel happy!  Find it in simple things.  For instance, today was my weekly chiropractic session.  The last couple times I have parked my car there, I have noticed this bright red VW Bug that has colourful daisies painted all over it. It's not advertising for a business, it's just the way it is.  That is the only time I ever see that Bug, and every time I see it, I cannot help but get a huge smile on my face.  I have no idea who owns it or why it is there at my appointment time, but I am so grateful for that person. Here's a car in my favourite colour, covered in my favourite flower showing up on a day when I am usually not feeling my best, to give me the biggest smile. Thank you!

If you're not someone who naturally is a positive person, just doing it 51% of the time is not too much to ask.  One day of good feelings not only changes your day, but it also changes your tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and so on.  Provided YOU maintain the momentum.  When something happens to make you feel negative, recognize your feelings, say 'thank you for sharing' and tip the scale back to the positive side by thinking of something that makes you feel good. As you continue to keep the scale tipped in the positive direction, your feelings continue to multiply, and day by day your life can't help but get better and better.

So many people do not live in the moment.  Our heads are always focusing on what's going to happen in the future.  Yet it is how we live today that will directly affect our future. Each day is a new opportunity for a new life, because each day you are standing on the tipping point.  Which direction are you going to choose to tip it?

"It is thus that you may lead a charmed life and

be forever protected from all harm; it is thus you 

may become a positive force whereby conditions 

of opulence and harmony may be attracted to you" 

~Charles Haanel (1866-1949)~

Are You A Good Receiver??

Growing up, how many times did we hear the phrase, "it's better to give than to receive".  Yes, it is VERY important to be a good giver, BUT you also have to be a good receiver, or else the equation is NOT balanced.  One cannot give give give and never receive.  If this is the case, the giver eventually will stop giving.

In saying this, I recently attended a seminar where we touched on the topic of being a good receiver.  Giving is never an issue for me.  I am the kind of person that will give to the point of my detriment, mostly in time and energy (I am paying the price for that right now!).  When the topic of receiving came up, I was like, yeah sure, receiving is NOT tough.  Then we got into talking about ways of receiving.  Do you receive compliments well?  Do you accept help from others when they offer? These two were my BIG downfalls.  I have NEVER accepted compliments well and I am not really sure why.  Whenever someone would compliment me for something, I would feel a little embarrassed (I blush SO easy) or I would downplay whatever it was they were complimenting me for and feel obligated to right away compliment that person back, taking the focus off of me. How many of you do that? I know I'm not alone in this.  I guess it is because somewhere along the line, I got the idea planted in my head that if you revel in compliments, you are being self centered and egotistical.  Thereby agreeing, "YES, I AM fabulous, aren't I!".  Lord knows I never wanted to come off like that.  On the other hand, whenever someone offered to help me in some way, I always felt like I never wanted to be an imposition on anyone.  I could take care of things all on my own.  I'm guessing this is where my need to control things comes into play, along with the saying that my dad ALWAYS used to say to me "if you want anything done right, you need to do it yourself". Thereby instilling in me that I could not trust anyone to do anything as good as I could do it.  It really is amazing how such simple words can program you in a certain way for the rest of your life.

So back at the seminar, we were given this task.  We had to get up and move to a different part of the room (there were 600 of us there), thereby interacting with someone that you had never spoken to before.  We had to go up to people and RECEIVE compliments, and the only way you could respond was to smile and say thank you.  Sounds simple, right? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. OMG, at first I rushed to be the person to do the complimenting. Once I realized what I was doing, I had to physically be conscious of not being so quick to speak, to allow the other person to compliment me, for me to smile and say thank you.  I have to admit that my blood pressure went up on this one, but the longer we did this exercise, the easier it became.  It felt good to be complimented, and to hear how other people, complete strangers perceived me.  Some things that people complimented me on were unexpected and were very appreciated.

Whenever we are NOT good receivers, we have to realize what we are doing to the person that is trying to give to us.  Has anyone offered to buy your coffee and you said, no that's ok?  What about doing a task/errand for you and you turned them down saying that you'd get to it? When we turn down someone trying to give to us we are taking away the good feeling that person would feel by giving to us.  WOW, now doesn't that sound selfish?  We are taking away another persons right to feel good!!!  After I realized that, I vowed that I would never want to do that to another person again, as I certainly wouldn't want someone to take a good feeling away from me!!

So now if you believe as I do in the Law of Attraction, in whatever you give, you receive......I challenge you to GIVE lots of compliments, give of yourself in whatever way you can each and every day, for whatever reason, then in turn you will be blessed by receiving........................:)

The Universe has SO many different ways to bless us.........be open and willing to accept whatever those blessings are!!!

YOU ARE AN AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL PERSON!!! 

(now smile and say to yourself....thank you!)

Hello my lovelies........I'm going to be out of commission for a few days, but after the seminar that I attended this weekend, I feel SO inspired!  I cannot wait to share some of the little gems with you when I am back! :)

The Power of 'I AM'

Two very simple words, but the power that they wield in never ending.  Everyday, usually without even thinking, we say things like, I am an idiot, I am not feeling well, I am so tired, I am fat, I am not pretty enough, I am not good enough, I am always late, I am a bitch.  A lot of times we say these things jokingly, but our subconscious doesn't know the difference between joking or truth.  It just takes it as that's the way it is.  It is a known fact that the more you say something, especially out loud, the deeper it sinks into the subconscious mind.  So if we are always putting ourselves down in this way, it's no wonder why we feel the way we do sometimes.  Eventually, we start believing those words that maybe started as a joke and now they have become our reality.  The more we say it, the more we think it, the more we think that other people see us that way, the more it becomes our truth! It's a nasty merry-go-round!  We get really good at putting on a confident face when we are out in public, but in those quiet moments at home, when we can take that public mask off, that is usually when a lot of these thoughts make an appearance, as your guard is down. We mull over the day, revisiting events that occurred, and start the process of our mental/emotional beatings. Now granted this doesn't (I hope) happen on a daily basis, but we know that in any given week, we've had those moments.

I had a friend tell me about this exercise that is quite good.  Write down all the characteristics that you would like to be perceived as. Things like: courageous, intelligent, gorgeous, athletic, adventurous, an entrepreneur.  Once you have compiled  your list, now re-write it by placing the words 'I AM' in front of each characteristic. Now the first time you look at that list, you may think 'yeah right'. This is where the work comes in.  Place copies of that list in certain places of your home so that you will see it often. On the fridge door, on the bathroom mirror, on the inside of the front door, by your bed. Every time that you look at it, read off your list OUT LOUD and say them with conviction! The more you say them, the more you feel them, the deeper it sinks, the more you believe them, the more people see us that way, the more they become your reality!

These two simple words are the most powerful in the English language.  So let's use them to build ourselves up instead of tearing ourselves down. :)

How Do You Show Love?

I have had a lot of people ask me for advice in regards to relationships.  The first thing I say to them is read the book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

This book has now undergone many transformations. This one was written for married couples, but no matter what your situation is, you can use it. I got a great deal out of this book.  There are ones for dealing with teenagers, children, family members, singles and even a men's version.  All the principles are the same, no matter which loved one you are wanting to have a better relationship with. What it talks about is that there are 5 different ways (languages) that people use to communicate their love to the people in their lives.  The problem is, if the other person doesn't know or understand your language they will not translate your actions as meaning love and this is where problems can occur in a relationship. The five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Most people have a predominant one, but you can be bilingual. In the book there is a series of questions that helps you discover which one is your language.  You can do a very simplified check here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/30-second-quizzes/love/ without reading the book.  It's easy to figure out one's own language, you just have to ask yourself what it is that you love doing for the people that you care about. Are you always trying to lift them up by using your words, do you love buying them gifts, do you love doing things for them, or is it all about spending time with them or are you always finding ways/reasons to hug and touch them?  Whatever way you show love to another person is also HOW you receive it.  It's kind of like a 'do unto other as you would have them do unto you' type of principle. Now the trick is to find out what language the people in your life speak. Now you could just straight up ask them, what is it that I do that makes you feel loved? If that would be uncomfortable, then it will take some time of really watching their reactions to things you do and say. If they have a strong, noticeable reaction, you've hit on the language.  Do they get REALLY upset when you criticize them? Their language could be words of affirmation.  Are they always complaining that you never clean up after yourself or do anything around the house? Their language could be acts of service. Are they always asking you to go for a walk, go to an event with them, or just sit and talk? Their language could be quality time. These are just some things to look for.

Now, some of you may think, why is this so important?  I show my loved ones that I love them all the time! Maybe you do, but do they receive it? If they don't receive it, it's like it doesn't exist. One of the tricks of a lasting relationship is making sure that the love meter stays full, when it starts to get low, that is where things start to get difficult and start to unravel.  I got turned onto this book right after I got divorced.  After reading it, I could pinpoint exactly when things in that relationship started to go south. For many years he spoke my language, but as the years went on, that stopped and I started to feel very unloved which caused me to detach.  At that point I didn't know how to tell him what was missing, I just knew something was.  Near the end, he tried many different ways, but unfortunately, none of them were my language, so it made absolutely no difference. I also had no idea what his language was. I believe there is a reason that I didn't discover this book until after the divorce, I wasn't meant to save that relationship, but I sure learned a lot from it!! When the time comes that I am blessed with a new relationship, I certainly know what to do differently and what to work on!

So figure out your language, let your love ones know how they can show you love (as they are NOT mind readers) and learn what theirs is.  This along with open communication will lead you to a successful relationship.  I won't say that there won't be bumps along the road, any relationship is hard work, but if you have a strong foundation in these two areas, those bumps will be short lived. Happy Loving!! <3

How Successful Were You Today?

You have 60 seconds, set your timer or watch the clock.........list all the things out loud that you have done in your life that have made you proud or you consider a success...GO!...........no thinking about it, just say the first things that come to mind..........BEEP! Times up!  Could you do it, or did you stumble a bit and find it hard and a bit stressful to think of things that quickly? The first time I did this exercise, I found it VERY painful!  Sure, the first thing I mentioned was graduating from university TWICE.....but after that, I fumbled, I felt stressed trying to think of something that I thought was 'worthy' of saying. If you also felt that way, it's normal and I'll tell you why.

Our brains are hardwired to look for FAILURE! The reason it does this is because of a built in mechanism that we have for it to try to keep us safe.  Now that was all fine and dandy when I was a toddler and I wanted to touch that hot pan on the stove or when I just had to pull the dogs tail just one more time. At that age we were learning and processing how the world works.  As an adult, I know a little better now, and don't really need that type of intervention.......my safety concerns are a tad different and that is where my gut/intuition kicks in.  Our brains don't know the difference.  It will remember an event that caused you pain, whether physical or emotional, and when a similar event is presented to you, it will tell you what ever it has to, to try and convince you NOT to do down that road again.

Ever had a job that you really wanted to go after, or saw that handsome man/gorgeous woman across the room that you really wanted to talk to, or wanted to say something in a meeting, but just couldn't?  What went on in your head when you were presented with these? The majority of us, whether we want to admit it or not, had this negative reel going on in our heads with the likes of, "you can't do that", "you're not smart enough", "you're not pretty enough", "you're not good enough", "you're worthless", "no one wants to hear what you have to say", "people are going to laugh at you". 9 times out of 10, we most likely will listen to that reel because it just seems SO loud!! So we figure that it MUST be right.  Well you know what?  IT'S NOT!!!  It's ALL lies!!  It's your brains self preservation mechanism to keep you within your comfort zone because that is a safe place.  The unfortunate thing is, that is also the place where NO growth happens.

There is a theory that 80% of who we are is hard wired by the the time we are 8 years old. 8 YEARS OLD!!! Wow, when you sit back and think of that, that is astonishing.  If some sort of traumatic or emotional event occurs during that time period (and for an 8 year old it doesn't have to be a big event), this will forever hardwire your response in similar situations.  There is an area of my life that I have been struggling with for a long time, and I have had more than my fair share of that negative reel rolling on and on in my head.  When I started to look back to where it all started, I can pinpoint the exact event that did in fact occur when I was 8, and I can perfectly see how it has clouded and manipulated me when ever a similar situation came up, and that pissed me off!  When I think now of all the possible experiences that I missed out on because of it, it's shocking.  Now that I am aware of it, at least now I can fight it. Awareness does not guarantee that negative reel will go away, it may even become louder, but now  you know the root of why it's there and you recognize that what it is saying is lies, and you can over come it. When you start hearing "you're not good enough", you turn around and say, "YES I AM!" You counteract it with the TRUTH! It may be uncomfortable to do this, because we are so use to being 'our own worst enemies', tearing our selves down, using self deprecating humour, but we need to become our own biggest cheerleaders!

Something that a group of us have started is having a SUCCESS JOURNAL where each and EVERY day we write 5 successes that we have had in there.  I know what you're thinking, as I thought it too! 5 SUCCESSES? How in the world am I going to have 5 things that are going to be considered a success each day?  This is where we start comparing our selves to other people and that negative reel kicks in with, "that's not a success" or "your success won't be as good as so and so's success".  Again, toss that way of thinking out.  Any single thing that you accomplished each day is a success.  "I made an awesome dinner tonight" YEAH, "I finished all my homework" WHOO HOO, "I lost 0.5 of a pound" AWESOME, "I didn't choke my annoying little brother today" WAY TO GO!. Remember these are YOUR successes, not any one else's. There is no comparing.  Yes your successes may not mean anything to any one else, but who cares? It meant something to you, and that is all that matters. By doing this you are exercising that wonderful muscle called our brain and we are re-training it to search out success. It will be tough to start, but as your brain gets used to looking for success instead of failure, it will become easier. Success also breeds success, in that you will subconsciously be thinking all day, I need 5 successes, that in turn will push you to have more successes. Then each day you can answer that question that I posed to you today's title. When we feel successful, we can not help but feel happy.

So get out those pom poms and start cheering yourself on!! Let's start focusing on all the amazing things that we do each and every day and celebrate them!!! You ARE worth it because you ARE amazing!!

Respect Yourself!!!

In December I went to a seminar series that promised that I would learn a lot about myself.........well that was an understatement!! I went into that seminar with the intention of learning how to have better relationships with the people in my life.  Throughout the course of that weekend I came to a realization that the one person that I should have the BEST relationship with, in actuality I had the WORST!  That person was ME!

Now I have had people ask me, how am I suppose to have a relationship with myself?  Well, to me it has 3 heavily intertwined components.

1. Your Word:  I don't know about you, but I am the kind of person that when I give my word to someone, I keep it, as I would never want to let anyone down.  But when it comes to me,  when I say I am going to do something for myself, when I don't do it I use the excuse, "oh well, it didn't really matter" or "I'll get to that tomorrow". WHAT? REALLY?  Why would I let myself down, when I wouldn't even think of doing that to another person?  This one is harder than it may look, especially for a master procrastinator like myself.  It's a product of not having ourselves anywhere on our priority list. When you say that you are going to do something for yourself.............DO IT!!!

2. Integrity: Living a life of Integrity is not easy, as I find it comes with an emotional component.  We all have our own personal belief systems or moral codes.  When we go against that, we are not living a life of integrity. We all know when we are doing something that just doesn't feel right, we get that gut feeling or that little voice in our head trying to warn us.  More times that not, we ignore that. We do that, in my opinion, to avoid being judged by other people, we don't want to look stupid, "what will people think if I don't go along with this"...........it can be peer pressure. As adults, we are not immune to this. This one, I find, can come at a cost.  A few months ago, I had to make a decision that ended up costing me a friendship that meant a LOT of me.  Since then, there has been many times of second guessing myself, wanting to reverse that decision, but I know if I hadn't of stood up for what I believed in, it eventually would have eroded that relationship anyways, as it would have always been a wedge between us.  It tore my heart out to make that decision, but I knew I couldn't live a life of integrity otherwise. Listen to your gut/inner voice.........it is there for a reason!!

3. Respect: As children we are taught to respect our elders, respect the environment, respect other peoples property.  We are told to have self respect, but no one really says what that actually means or how to do it.  It's like we are just suppose to know.  Well, we DON'T! So, how do we do it?  If you do the first two thing that I have already mentioned, you are respecting yourself.  It can also be in doing the little things that you don't really think about that make you feel good.  For me, it's keeping my home clean and tidy, as clutter stresses me out.  It's making sure I wash my makeup off each and every night before bed, and lately, I have chosen to treat my body way better by changing over most of the things that I put into or on my body to organic.  I am making the change slowly, but eventually it will be the majority.  In my opinion, the massive increase of disease, mental disorders, obesity and children being diagnosed with ADHD all have to do with the massive amount of artificial crap that we are putting in and on our bodies.  Our bodies were not designed to deal with that kind of stuff. Now what ever way you choose to respect yourself, that is your own personal choice, it should NOT be based on what you think other people will think.  It should be something that makes you happy, makes you feel good, and something that means something to you.

Start making the relationship with yourself a priority and I believe that all your other relationships will benefit!

So, my question for you this weekend..........what are you going to do to show yourself some RESPECT??

What are you grateful for today?

People that are the closest to me know that Dec 28/10 changed my life forever.  That was the day that a fire started in the condo above me that caused the destruction of my home. As one can imagine, I was hit pretty hard by this.  It wasn't so much the 'stuff' that I lost, as I knew that insurance would replace that, it was the loss of what my home represented to me.  It was my safety, my security, my serenity.  It was my symbol of moving on after my divorce, doing it on my own, not having to depend on anyone......and now that was all gone.  Needless to say, I went to a dark place, consumed with grief, feeling like I was all alone just drifting in the wind.  Looking back on that time, I did a pretty damn good job of playing a victim! Spending hours upon hours of crying and asking God, "why me?", "what did I do to deserve this?".  I cannot say when or for what reason last year my thinking began to shift. Instead of asking why, I started asking "what lesson was I suppose to learn from this?". It all started to become VERY clear that this event was meant to give me a slap upside my head to start taking a long hard look at how I was living my life.  Now, I wasn't living a 'bad' life, the point was that I actually wasn't LIVING.  Little by little, I had allowed people and events to affect me to the point that I had just tuned out, I was just getting through the day, trying to survive life.  I was wanting more out of life, but wasn't willing to do anything about it. I was just numb.

Life isn't meant to be SURVIVED, it is meant to be LIVED!!  I realized that as much as I wanted more in my  life, I wasn't grateful for what I already had. I had been taken for granted all that I have done and achieved in my life. I was spending so much time thinking about what I wanted in the future, that I had forgotten to live in the moment. Once I realized that, I realized how much I have missed out on.  In the process of getting ready to move back home, I took the opportunity to REALLY look at the items that were lost.  The things that were the most precious to me (my cats and my photo albums) were unharmed, the things that were lost were mostly pieces of furniture that I had while I was married.  When I realized this, I started to laugh. I never really liked those items, and every time I looked at them, they reminded me of something that I had lost.  So, this was an opportunity to re-invent myself.  I completely changed the style of my home.  Even though the blueprint of my home is the same, the walls have been repainted the same colour that they were before, it looks completely different.  As I sit here writing this, I can barely even remember how it looked before, even though it looked that way for YEARS!  Now, every day when I wake up and wander out into the living room, I feel SO much gratitude for my home and every single thing that is in it.

But this is a two part story.  What about the safety, security and serenity that I had lost?  I am back living in the same place, the man whose negligence that started the fire still lives above me. I have been asked many times, how can I move back there? Will I ever feel safe again living there? It wasn't until I was having a conversation about a week ago with a lady that I have sort of known for a while, but just recently we have been spending time really getting to know each other, that it all became clear. I am SO grateful for her. In telling her my story, she said that going through all this I had learned that my safety, security and serenity was actually contained within myself.  I didn't need to look for it in stuff around me. The light bulb went off! We as a society are always looking to other people or to 'stuff' to fill a void or need that is missing in our lives.  What we need to realize is that every thing that we need is already contained within us, but is mostly likely buried under our life's events or emotional baggage.  We look to the outward world for ways to soothe our hurts, rather than spending time looking inwards to figure out what the root of those hurts are. We do that because it's easier, we just want the hurt to end, but by avoiding dealing with it and meeting it head on, we do nothing but stuff it deeper, where it quietly festers and controls our actions and feelings, whether we realize it or not. So, my friend was right.......in going through all this, I have learned how strong I really am, that life could throw just about anything at me now, and I could deal with it. I KNOW that I can depend on myself for my own safety and security and now have a sense of inner serenity that I have never had before.  So to answer the questions above, yes, I DO feel safe and secure living here, but I also know that I could go any where and feel the same, because all those things reside within me now and go with me every where I go!

Look around you. How would you feel if everything that surrounds you was suddenly all taken away?  How would you respond? What fears or anxieties would surface? What is the root of those fears and anxieties? What is it that you have felt is missing in your life, that you have been looking to the outward world to soothe or fill?  Find it within yourself to spend some time looking inwardly.  It is there that you will see that  you already have everything, you just need to cultivate it and allow it to grow! Everyday think about what you have in your life that you are grateful for, and actually say thank you for it.  If we started every day with gratitude, how could we not be happy!!

The other day I woke up with this thought in my head....'cultivate your garden, cultivate your soul'......being barely awake, I was like......OK, where the heck did that come from?  So, I took it literally as I had been thinking about getting out on my deck and cleaning up all my plants as Spring is just around the corner.  So, I spent the morning getting that done, and as good as it felt to knock one thing off my ever growing To-Do list, I just felt.....um, ok......but just left it at that.  As the days went by, the thought stuck with me and then I started thinking about it, a little more 'out of the box'.  We plant seeds everyday in the form of the words that we say and the thoughts that we think. Those seeds can be both positive and negative....they can take root and grow and can change the course of our day and if left to cultivate, our lives.  When we have a day where we are saying nice things and thinking happy thoughts, our mood and behaviour reflects it.  The problem is when the 'Negative Nelly' takes a spot on our shoulder and starts planting those negative seeds, we become grouchy, we say not so nice things to the people around us and our thoughts are generally grim.

Have you ever been having a pretty good day and then you meet up with one of your friends and they are in one of their 'moods' and after they go away, you now reflect their mood?  We don't only have to worry about the seeds that we sow, we have to worry about the seeds that the people that we spend time with sow as well!!   And those negative seeds seem to take root and grow faster than anything and trying to get rid of them is not so easy. They are definitely the WEEDS of our mind and soul.

I am the only one that has control over my thoughts and words.  No one else can think or say them for me. I have the final say as to what they are going to be.  In thinking about this, it made me more aware of what I am saying and what I am thinking.  Am I going to brighten someones day with my words and behaviour or am I going to darken theirs, so that they match mine?  I think if we took more control over and were more aware of our thoughts and words, just by that one action we would make this planet a nicer place to live.   We get stuck in our own little worlds, not thinking or caring about how our actions/words can effect the people that we encounter each day. Whether we like it or not, we are all connected in some way and we all have to share what space we have left on this planet.

Don't get me wrong, I am going to have bad days when it seems like everything is going wrong, but how I react to it, is what is important,  I can CHOOSE to be victim to those negative thoughts and words, or I can recognize them for what they are, acknowledge them and then move on and CHOOSE to replace them with positive words and thoughts.  This isn't easy and it takes lots and lots of practice, but in time you will notice that  as you train that wonderful muscle that is your brain, you will become a lot quicker at being able to flip the switch from dark to light.

So, my question to you each and every day is.........What seeds are you going to plant today?

Life is a RISK and I choose to chance it!! 

I have had the thought for quite a while now that I wanted to start a blog, but I didn't know about what.  This past year has been the hardest of my life.  I felt like I hit bottom, as I had the most precious thing taken away from me.........my safety, security, and serenity.  It took me a while to claw my way out of the darkness that enveloped me, and I decided to choose HAPPY.  I wanted to live POSITIVELY, but I found it to be quite hard to do all on my own. One by one, opportunities were dropped in my lap and thankfully I was brave enough to grasp onto them. In the process I learned WAY more than I ever thought I would about myself, and figured out that I had a LOT of work to do, to have the life that I wanted, that I knew I deserved!  I know it won't all happen at once, it takes work, and LOTS of practice.  It finally hit me, that THIS is what my blog was to be about, as I know that I am not the only person out there that is looking for some sort of direction, that is unhappy with the way things are, and  I am willing to do whatever it takes to make CHANGE!

This blog is a RISK for me.  I am sharing my experiences, my struggles, my innermost thoughts and feelings with whomever chooses to stop by.  Maybe some of what I write about will speak to you, maybe it won't, but opening one's mind to new thoughts and ideas is NEVER a bad idea! It's all a process of GROWTH!

This blog is still under construction, and is not ready to be *active* yet, but SOON!  I just have to figure out how all this stuff works! :)