Friday, August 24, 2012

To Change or Not To Change

Have you ever had a friend that is constantly asking you for advice, but then never does anything with that advice, and then when you call them out on that fact, all of a sudden there is something wrong with your advice? Huh? *shakes head*, well it can't be all that bad if you keep coming back!

Anyways, I spent many many MANY years being the person that people would come to, to tell all their problems to. Honestly, I didn't mind that, but the problem was that I would get too emotionally involved with THEIR problems, which would end up with me feeling like crap. The toll of taking on everyone else's issues left me emotionally and mentally exhausted with nothing left to deal with the things that I had to in my own life.

That became abundantly clear when my world came crashing down on me 1.5 years ago. I had neglected my  emotional, mental and physical needs for so long, that when the time came that I needed them the most, there was NOTHING for me to pull from, resulting in my body completely shutting down. I spent some time doing the 'what did I do to deserve this?', but this is not a constructive exercise, all it did was make me feel worse as I continued to dwell on the events that occurred and kept me in the past. Finally, I woke up one morning and literally said f*&k that!! Something needs to change and the something was ME! Did I wake up that morning knowing exactly what I had to do to do that? NO! This has been a long journey of self discovery and it continues. I'm learning SO much along the way, not only about myself, but how people in general deal with the crap in their lives. Being more aware of how we, as a human race, deal with emotional crap, has made it so much easier for me to understand the actions of the people around me.  The problem is, even though it is clear as day for me what is going on in someone's life, if they are not open and ready to have change in their life, I can talk until I am blue, but they just won't get it! So the person that used to just sit there and sympathize with and take on all the problems that were going on in someone else's world is GONE. She knows better now.  I will empathize with what someone is going through, as I have mostly likely experienced it myself, but I will NOT sit there and participate in their pity party and enable them in that behaviour. You don't do anyone ANY favours to do so!

So, if you are going to ask me for advice, you had better be prepared for a non-sugar coated answer. I will give you the straight facts, and give you suggestions as to what you should do to move forward, but if you are just going to sit there and not make ANY effort and have NO commitment to trying to take charge of your life, expect that I will close that door.  My time and energy are TOO valuable to me now to have other people suck it out of me. Sound harsh? Maybe it is, but I am #1 on my priority list now. Instead of just being the constant shoulder to cry on, now i will listen and then I will CHALLENGE you to take responsibility for your life and for the things going on in it. That's what I did to start this process for myself.

One thing that this friend said to me, was that my advice was too cut and dry and that life just isn't that way. Well............yeah IT IS! If there is something going on in your life that you don't like, you either do something to change it, or you don't. If you don't, then in my opinion, you have no right to b*&ch about your life. It is YOUR life, YOU are in charge! Don't be living your life for other people. That just gives you an out for when you need someone to blame. Your only job in this world is to make yourself happy. So if you're not.........whose fault is that? You can't expect to change your whole life all at once, but do one step at a time, and eventually you will look back and be shocked about how many steps you have taken! BUT the point have to take that FIRST STEP, and then the next and then the next, but you have to want it for yourself and truly be done with living the life of a victim.

Whether a person makes the choice to change the course of their life makes no difference to me, that is THEIR choice. THEY are the ones that have to live up to THEIR own expectations.  I do NOT set any expectations for anyone but MYSELF, and it is only ME that I have to answer to in that regard.  The sad thing is, there are a LOT of people out there that have set very low expectations for themselves and their lives and they need to own that fact!

So, do you want to be known as the person that whines and wallows in all the problems of your life, or do you want to be known as the person that has gone through hell and came out a stronger, more positive, resilient person? The choice is YOURS!